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| News & Events |
| November 23, 2005
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| TOOLS TO WEATHER THE STORM OF GRIEF |
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By Lorie Ann Hildreth, PhD, CRC, be-NCC
Niagara Hospice Director of Outreach Services
If you have lost a loved one, you know this time of year can present painful challenges. Celebrating a holiday without them may make you wish the season were shorter or non-existent. You may wish that you could isolate yourself away from the constant reminders of holiday cheer. Perhaps that’s one reason November was chosen as National Hospice Month. The purpose is to raise awareness about quality end-of-life care and the myriad of support services that hospices across the country have to offer. Bereavement care is one of those services, and since grief is often experienced strongest during the holidays, November is an appropriate time to offer coping strategies.
Grief can present itself in ways we may not notice. Grievers may have feelings of sadness, confusion, anger, hopelessness, anxiousness or relief to list a few. Some grievers may also experience sharp changes in sleep and appetite. Grievers may experience headaches, fatigue, and stomachaches. Children and adults alike can experience symptoms that may become more acute during the holidays.
What can you do about it? First, give yourself permission to grieve. It is normal and perfectly OK to express how much you miss your loved one. Allow yourself some time to plan an approach for the holidays that will incorporate your need for that expression. The holidays may not be the same – but they can still be good. Hospice professionals offer some additional suggestions for coping with the holidays:
- Don’t be afraid to make changes - it may make things less painful. Open presents a different day or time of day; have dinner at a different time; let the children take over decorating; light a candle at a place setting for your loved one.
- Be careful not to isolate yourself. Take time for yourself but allow yourself to receive support from family and friends.
- The holidays may affect other family members so talk over your plans and share your feelings. Respect other’s choices and needs, and compromise if necessary.
- Avoid additional stress. Decide what activities are essential, and what can be postponed or canceled.
- Some people honor their loved one by giving a gift in memory or by donating to a particular charity during the holidays.
- Share stories of your loved one with those who knew him or her. Reminisce through pictures or by doing an activity that reminds you of your loved one. Find the way to make this holiday meaningful for you and your family.
Be patient if the holidays do not feel quite right this year. Grief is a journey that takes time. Like most journeys, you may come out the other end realizing new things about yourself. Remember to take care of yourself this holiday season and do things that comfort you. Honor your loved one in a way that is meaningful for you.
If you or a loved one is struggling with grief and loss, consider contacting the Circle of Hope program at Niagara Hospice. Our trained bereavement professionals may be able to offer some further suggestions or sources of support. Additional information about Circle of Hope and Hospice is available at www.niagarahospice.org or by calling (716) 439-4417. |
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