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| News & Events |
| November 18, 2008
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| MAKING THE BEST OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON |
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By Christella Gress, PhD
Niagara Hospice Director of Outreach Services
Holidays that were once anticipated as times of joy may now be painful for those who have lost a loved one. This time of year often brings about a vast wave of emotions making traditional holiday activities more difficult. It is common for grieving individuals to experience anger, fear, loneliness, physical aches and pains, panic, and guilt or regrets. The intensity of these emotions may increase now, and activities that were once family traditions may now be painful reminders that your loved one is no longer here. Some people even dread the holiday season, and are tempted to isolate themselves from all the typical hustle and bustle of the holidays.
Although the holidays might feel like a monumental challenge, the worst thing we can do is try to avoid them or isolate ourselves. You may very well still be able to enjoy certain parts of the holiday season, especially if you’re able to share them with family members and friends.
There are a number of things that you can do to help make the best of the holiday season. To start with, it is very helpful to be prepared, have a plan, and to trust your ability to handle feelings that arise. Oftentimes anticipation of the holidays can be worse than the actual day, and having a plan will ease the fear.
In addition, allowing yourself time to feel sad will help increase your ability to enjoy other times. Avoiding excess alcohol and overmedication, eating a balanced diet, and getting adequate sleep will also help. If the tasks of the holidays start to feel overwhelming, delegate some of the more difficult ones. Do not be afraid to ask for help; family and friends are often just standing by and are very happy to lend a hand. Why not ask someone to come and help string the lights on the tree, and then share dinner afterwards?
Finally, some people find it comforting and helpful to share memories of their loved one. At the holiday dinner some families have each person write a memory on a piece of paper, and then after the meal, an appointed family member reads the memories aloud. This can brings tears and laughter, all of which are healing. Other families simply share memories and stories in a more casual manner. Regardless of the method, sharing helps heal and can even bring new joyful memories. Starting new traditions is another way to create new memories and find some joy in the holidays. Looking at old family photo albums together, or lighting a candle in memory of the loved one, or making a donation in honor of a loved one are examples of possible new traditions.
Most important is to spend time with those you love. They too may be missing your loved one who has passed away, and you can comfort each other. Together, you can make the best of the holiday season!
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